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Lost Angels

What do you call an angel that's lost it's wings?

10/11/16 09:45 pm - Slowly

Slowly, little by little, I'm managing to write my halloween fic. A few hundered words a night, but every word counts. I'm really enjoying writing this, but the plot is coming slowly to me all the same. I've reached the point where I've set the scene though. A little more and I can throw everything halloween at it and I think that's when it'll write itself. :)

If I get time I'm going to go back to past Halloween fics, edit them and post them to AO3. I'll post a link to them all in a single post too, a collection if you like. I know I have quite a few over the years. :) Having lost pretty much all my old readers most of these fics will appear new to those who read my fics now, so that's why I decided to share.

I've been doing some self reflection recently, and come to a conclusion that kind of surprised me. You see I had a friend, who's no longer really my friend as we grew apart. When I think back to the friendship we had, it was based on lovingly mocking certain jrockers. I grew up and stopped doing it. Sure, I mock, I always will, but not like I did back then. Seeing this friend's post though, I realise she still behaves how I used to. I wonder if she grew bored of me, because I became to nice? If so I'm glad that it happened, if not I'm still left wondering what happened.

10/8/16 07:16 pm - So now I have a cat...

I picked up the cat this afternoon, and she's now hidden behind my toilet. She's been there about three hours now with no signs of movement. I put a couple of treats in front of her which she hasn't touched. The only difference is now if I touch her she just makes a pathetic sound where as before she hissed at me. I've googled it and it's pretty normal behaviour, but i've never had a pet behave like this so it's making me a little uneasy.

I've had hamsters, rabbits and dogs growing up. Obviously dogs just love people and don't really care who or where they are with. Though they miss their owners when parted. Rabbits and hamsters can be nervous, but it doesn't last that long before they are at least moving around.

She was ok coming here at least. She walked out of the cat carrier straight away and after a few minutes wandered around. I guess she was looking for her ideal hiding place. I really thought my shower might scare her into finding a new hiding place, but behind the toilet is where she wants to stay.

In other news, I'm writing again. Slowly but I have written a little in the last few days. I'm working on a halloween fic so it won't be posted for awhile but as long as I write, little by little, it'll get done. :) I wonder where my writing ability went though. I used to find it so easy... I guess I go through phrases with it. Just like everything else.


I just got the shock of my life to find a cat in the doorway to my lounge. I think she went for a drink, and has returned to the toilet, but I'm just happy to see that she will come out on her own.

10/7/16 08:20 pm - Rick Riordan: The Greatest Author (or at least one of them).

I don't normally write book reviews, especially not of books I haven't even finished, but I was so expressed with this one that I can't wait to write about it. Or more, I want to celebrate the author in general. I've done my best to avoid spoilers, sorry if I let anything slip by mistake.

Rick Riordan is technically a children's author, but I would highly recommend his books to everyone. Unless your bigoted, but more on that later. His writing is fast paced, genuinely funny enough to have made me laugh out loud a few times, and educational when it comes to the subject matter of ancient religions. (Greek, Roman, Egyptian and Norse so far.) He has a way of wrapping our reality into the myths in such a unique style that you can't help but be hooked.

Let's start with his first series, "Percy Jackson and The Olympians" which follows the story of a demi-god Percy Jackson who is the son of Poseidon. Percy, like all demi-god's, has powers inherited from his godly parent. In Percy's case his powers include manipulating water, breathing under water and talking to horses as, at least in Greek mythology, they were created by Poseidon. The first book is good, they get better to the point they were truly outstanding. They have made films of the first two books, "The Lightning Thief" and "The Sea of Monsters", but the films don't do the books justice. Really the only remarkable thing about the films is Sean Bean is in them (or at least the first) as Zeus and doesn't die. I don't recommend the films, though they might be decent for those who didn't read the books.

With his first series criticised for lack of diversity, the two main human characters were white, his second sequel series "The Heroes of Olympus" which deals with both Greek and Roman demi-gods, is a lot more diverse. The series introduces main characters, who whilst are all American, have African, Mexican, Native American and Chinese origins. At least on their mortal sides. Like the white characters their ethnicity has very little to do with their personality or their plot. The African American character grew up in 50's America so racism is mentioned in her story line, or more how wonderful she finds the present day where she's treated with respect, and the native American girl does mention native American legends that tie into the Greek mythology. It's just so inclusive. Later in this series Cupid forces a supporting character to come out as gay in front of one of the main characters. Is this character freaked out to learn his friend is gay? Not at all. Who cares about sexuality? Especially not when comparing it to some of the things the Greek God's got up to.

Then we have one of the two projects he's currently working on. "The Trials of Apollo" which is about Apollo being punished by his father Zeus and forced to live as a human teenager. The books makes it very clear that Apollo is bi-sexual and he frequently mentions his two great loves, Daphne and Hyacinthus. Apollo also has a gay son, which he accepts without question.... well not quite, but he's more concerned by the father of his son's boyfriend than anything else.

Needless to say these books have been inclusive on every level. Sexuality, race and gender having no effect on how the main characters treat each other. It's just so nice to read books like this, really every teenager should be forced to read them all.

This brings us onto "Magnus Chase and the God's of Asgard". I've mentioned this before as the character Sam (Samirah Al-Abbas) was so wonderful to me. She's a Muslim, but like everything else that's treated with respect and acceptance. She's a brilliant example of fitting your own relgion into a world where the God's of Asgard are real. She believes that they're powerful beings, but Allah is still the grand creator of the world. She's also a daughter of Loki, which is what causes her difficulties. By the end of the first book she is finally trusted by those around her, having finally learnt not to judge her by the identity of her father. This is important as we're now moving on to another child of Loki, Alex. Like Sam, Alex has an evil god for a father, but as Sam as set the standard that Loki's children can be trusted this causes Alex no issues.

When Magnus first meets Alex he see's a pretty boy. Really his reaction made me think that we were having a gay protagonist, but not quite. In the same scene Alex refers to herself as a girl, demands that Magnus and his friends use feminine pronouns and describes herself as "transgender and gender fluid". This is pretty much accepted without question at the time, they were on a battle field, but Magnus can't help but stare as it's now very clear that Alex is a girl. The book doesn't explain if this is because Alex has used her shapeshifting power, or it's Magnus' perspective of her that's changed, but either way the metaphor there is perfectly clear. Magnus saw a boy, was corrected, and accepted Alex was a girl. It's also made clear that Magnus is attracted to Alex, he's even teased about it by his friends. Apparently it's normal for children of his particular godly parent to be attracted to both genders, though Magnus neither confirms or denies any of this about himself. His friends to are equally accepting. Alex is judged entirely by her personality, not her gender identity or sexuality. It's just so refreshing to see a series that not only accepts people for who they are, but also doesn't make a big deal about it.

Other insights into the subject are Magnus' memories from when he lived on the streets, and how it was common to find transgender teenagers ending up hooked on drugs after being kicked out by their parents. It's clear he blames the parents who can't accept their children and thinks very little of such people. In another insight into his mind he tries to understand Alex's fear by comparing it to a time when a teacher forced him to write with his right hand, opposed to his left. It's made clear as uncomfortable as that made him feel, it's nothing compared to what Alex must fear.

I am just so impressed with the way the series has handled this topic. Though given it's record I shouldn't be. Please, if you're even slightly interested in mythology, give these books a try. Any of them. Though perhaps don't start with the Kane Chronicles. They're not his best work.

10/5/16 07:57 pm - My Very First Domino's

I'm 31 years old, and have just ate Domino's for the very first time. What can I say, they didn't deliver to my old home and last time I checked they don't deliver here. I rarely eat take-out so it's not like I was checking. Only my flat is in a bit of a state right now because my Mum has hired a decorator for me to paint the living room/kitchen (it's open plan). I could cook but really I wanted a lazy night, so I checked and to my surprise they actually delivered!

The delivery took 25 minutes, but they also got the order wrong. I hate spicy food and there's no doubt this pizza has chilli's on it. Even pulling them off didn't take away the unpleasant sensation in my mouth, really people like this!? I could have complained, but i was hungry.

Honestly? This pizza was a let down. Every one goes on about how good it is, but it's not like it's the perfect pizza. About the same as pizza hut. I guess this is what happens when you set yourself up for something that can't possibly exist?

Right now I have no accessible Playstation, and I'm kind of bored. Trouble is I still can't write! Surely I should try? I do have the vague ideas for a Halloween fic. Obviously I won't be posting that any time soon, but I'm going to try to write it. Last year, I think, I wrote one of my personal favourite fics. I guess you would describe it as a paranormal ghost story? Well it's here if anyone is interested. Daigo X Hyde (Pimping my fics again, shameless I know!)

Anyway I almost continued this, but a mythical creature in Curses and Bedsheets took my interest. I just felt I didn't give him justice. So whilst not at all connected to that fic, it will feature a mythical creature I learnt about while writing it.

10/3/16 12:47 pm

It finally happened, I've gotten bored of Hatsume Miku Project Diva X. Or should I say frustration has led to me giving up on it?

Last night I had the brief joy of finishing the second to last (penultimate) Event Quest. One Quest to go to unlock two more trophies, the only thing keeping me away from my Platinum. (I still have some friendship grinds to do, but they're perfectly easy just time consuming). I was so happy, then I saw what the game expected me to do. "Final Medly: Ultimate Exquisite Rampage" on Extreme mode with a maximum of 20% Aura boost. Meaning I'd have to do the equivalent of an "excellent" on one of the hardest songs in the game.

I can't do this. I just can't. Not at the level it wants. At least it doesn't troll me like Urotander Underhanded Ranger, but that's not saying much.

I probably will play a little bit more each night, to grind those friendships, but I just don't have the will to do this anymore. So I've ordered Project Diva F from Amazon. It's a Japanese release game, but that doesn't really matter. But that will probably take most of the month to arrive.

Well I guess I should write, but my writer's block is still here. A demon that won't go away. What am I to do? Try I guess.

10/1/16 07:52 pm

I may have accidentally adopted a cat.

A woman I used to work with is moving back to America and I told her I'd look after her cat if she gets stuck. Well now I'm getting her cat next Saturday. I'm in shock to be honest, I've never even owned a cat. I'm a dog person, but I love all animals.

So yeah that happened.

9/30/16 12:58 pm

Well this week hasn't been perfect, but far better than last week. :) I've been trying to write but writers block hit so hard that I couldn't write anything! I feel my muses have left me, which is annoying to say the least.

I have however mastered hard mode on project diva X. I'm desperate for my first platinum trophy now it's in my sights, only to get it I need to complete some of the harder songs on extreme which right now feels a million years away. Yet at my current rate of improvement is perhaps two weeks? You could say I'm addicted! I just love the game so much.

You know, I haven't listened to Malice Mizer in ages, I'm blown away by how amazing Merveilles actually is. I've always named it as my favourite album of all time though. It's not just good, it's varied and every song is special in its own way. Give me a Tardis and seeing Malice perform this live would be my second stop. My first is to go and see what dinosaurs looked like.

9/27/16 09:57 pm

The way society is treating Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is a perfect example of the sexism in our society. But perhaps not in the way you might think.

Let's start with Hillary Clinton. Every little thing she says and does is being over analysed, questioned, used against her by those who oppose her. In short, she's been treated like a politician. If she's been treated fairer or harsher than her male co-workers isn't really what I want to discuss. From what I've seen the judgements made against her are more on the way she acts, her political views and the things she has said and done. She's under an intense microscope, but perhaps as the only real opposition to Donald Trump she has to be?

Donald Trump however seems to have reached the point where he's said so many ridiculous things, made so many racist, sexists and otherwise offensive remarks and made general outrageous comments that society reached the point "Oh that's just Trump".

So Hillary is expected to be perfect, Donald can do what he likes because that's just who he is. Sound familiar? This is how we, as a society, raise children. Girls should be kind, polite, nice and quiet while "boys can be boys".

That's just my thoughts from the traffic coming home from work today. Feel free to ignore them.

9/24/16 10:03 pm

I've had a pretty sucky week, only to wake up this morning to see that Lycaon have got back together as Inital'L. So that you color_me_blue3 you have no idea just how much I needed that news in my life right now. :)

Just to clarrify a few things, when Lycaon went on hiatus kyoselflove (I'm pretty sure it was her) told me that the fans were hoping this was because of the issues they'd been having with their management label. Even back them people predicted this was going to happen but I didn't believe it. Looking at Camera Obscura's booklet I was 95% sure that Yuuki was preparing for a solo career. I have to say I'm glad I was wrong. :) I've grown a certain affection to Zero because I like writing him in Curses and Bedsheets. Yeah, my characterisation based very little on his actual personality has become the reason I like the man? Ooops?!?!?!

I also talked to my sister who's currently in Florida on holiday. I asked her to buy me some mint M&M's while she was over here, because here they cost £2 a packet from speciality import shops. Obviously that's insane. (Over double a standard packet's price). She bought me some, which is great, but I also have problem. While she was there she also bought me some S'more M&M's and because they're from a pick and mix in a M&M's store there's no packet. Could some lovely American do me a huge favour and have a look at the ingredients for me? I basically need to know if they're vegetarian because if they contain real marshmallow they're not.
It's gelatine that I really don't want to eat. I've ate it twice by accident since becoming vegetarian and the very thought is almost sickening. Actually I have a friend at work who can take them off my hands if necessary, she's always buying me stuff :). I'm just really hoping I can just eat the things! It's just simple impossible to reseach the ingredients online!

Anyway, next week I'm going back to normal writing, tomorrow even. I've just been too fed up to even consider it, and I was borrowing Project Diva F2 from my sister while she was away which I have to give back now. I can't blame that game for my lack of writing either! I've decided with Curses and Bedsheets I'm going to aim to finish the story by the end of the year. So a few more chapters of this arc, and then one final arc to end it all. It's going to be sad to end it, but at the same time it takes up all my writing time, I'm running low on guest characters and researching new mythical creatures is getting harder and harder. Don't worry, once done I can return to writing. Less smut filled fics I think. Mainly because I keep getting smut block so I want to focus more on the actual story. Realism, after so long in the Curses and Bedsheets universe! Just to clariffy, I'm going to remain calling the band Lycaon for this fic but future projects will also double with the new band name.

The rest of this post is going to be behind a spoiler tag while I'll explain what's got me so down this week. Feel free not to read it, I hate writing negative things in my journal but I know some people may want to read it.
[Spoiler (click to open)]
I started the week feeling fed up. Even though I don't live with her I miss my sister. We hang out every weekend and obviously that weekend I hadn't. My other sister doesn't have time for me, which is something I just have to accept because it's been going on for so long now. Then just as I thought my friend would come to Versailles with me, I saw the price of the tickets. £45 is too much to ask a casual fan of the band to pay, and too much for me to pay unless I can quarantee it's going to be amazing. On my own it won't be, and I've seen them live twice before. It just seems like a no go area, so it brought me down.

On Tuesday I received a text message from my bank to ask if I had made a payment of £10. I hadn't and fifteen minutes later, and a call to the fraud hotline, they had stopped the transaction, cancelled my card and ordered a new one for me. The bank were flawless in the way they treated everything, but it did result in me having no bank card for most of the week. I have emergency cash, thankfully, or otherwise I would have had to find time to go into a bank. Close to impossible when you work full time with a half hour lunch, so bank of Mum I guess. Well this is why I have emergency cash. I would be a worrier, and kind of am, but it just makes me over plan for things.

Thursday I was three minutes late for work and they went and gave me a late form. I had to make up the time as well. We have a two minute safe zone, and the clocks are a minute fast that he was using. So I was less than happy that day. Eleven incidents on the M60! In one morning. The biggest joke (not to the people involved) is the idiot who drove into the back of a car queuing to get on to the motorway.

But it was yesterday that broke me down. In the morning this girl, let's just call her C, sent me a message saying she didn't leave a lift because another girl was giving her one. I hate giving her a lift so I didn't care. My phone had been on silent over night, so I kept it on silent only to see a message as I left, three in fact, where she told me the other girl had got in a car accident so she needed a lift afterall and could I wait until 7.50. I basically told her I couldn't risk being late. She knows I leave at 7.40. Got in my car, reverse out of the space and my phone beeped. I thought I had told her no, she took it as yes. I'm too soft and ended up waiting FIFTEEN minutes for her. I was fuming and if it wasn't for the light traffic on Friday's would have been late again.

Got to work and we had a meeting that I was meant to work on with two other members of the team. The other girl took over, ignored multiple offers of help and then the manager thought she had done all the work because me and this guy wouldn't. I explained the situation, he didn't listen so long story short I got seriously upset. In the end they had a meeting with the guy, who is the type who will tell the truth in the least comfrontational way possibly, and then with me. I think it was only then that my manager began to realise what had actually happened. Whatever the guy said I'm pretty sure it backed up what I was saying. Well I don't have to work with the girl anymore and the manager even gave me extra training on the phones after realising I have anxiety answering them.

In this meeting however C got brought up, because my manager commented "I've noticed you've been last minute a lot recently" and I had to explain why. Well my manager basically told me to stop giving C lifts, something my Mum later agreed with. (and my sister today). So I told C that I'd had a meeting with my manager and I had to leave earier for work. I know her bus won't get her to me in time, but she didn't quite clock on. I told her I had to leave at 7.30, though actually I plan to leave at 7.35. I figure the earlier I tell her, the more she will realise that I can't give her lifts. It's a double edged sword as well, when the schools are closed I could literally have a half hour lie in that I couldn't when giving her lifts. She began to argue with me about the need to leave early. "We've been getting their twenty minutes early most day". We realy haven't. "The traffic will get better." Coming up to Chrismas with more rainy days it really won't. Quite the opposite, it get's steadily worse until January. "We've always left at 7.45". That's when I stopped feeling guilty and got angry. She knows I leave at 7.40, she's the reason I leave any later. Simply put I've had it but I don't know what to do! My sister says just keep my phone on silent and ignore her messages, which I think might be wise. I'll show the conversation to my Mum tomorrow anyway. This has to end. Why should I stress myself out every morning about the traffic, when I can just leave five minutes earlier? It makes a HUGE difference because it gets you in front of the traffic build up on the main road outside my house. (I see it from my window, 7.35 the road is clear, 7.40 the traffic queues past the flats where I live). Not only that, I'm not a social person when I'm tired, I need my space which sounds harsh but it's true. It's not like we have anything in common, or anything to talk about at all. So it's just listening to the radio, when I don't really like anything it plays.

Hopefully things will sort themselves out.

9/21/16 08:58 pm - The Science of Your Horoscope

Most people will know what their zodiac sign is, Leo, Aquarius, Virgo etc and/or their Chinese Zodiac sign, Tiger, Snake, Horse, Dragon, but how much we believe in the horoscope section of newspapers, magazines and online web pages will vary from person to person. It's a big money business when it comes down to it, but can there be any truth in how your birth date affects your personality?

Let's start with "What's your sign anyway?"

The truth of the matter is that sign you believed all your life is astronomically wrong. Not as in hugely wrong, just astronomy says otherwise. The twelve signs have shifted since they were first named and tracked, and there's also a thirteenth sign, Ophiuchus. You can check out your true sign on the BBC webpage here. So if you don't like your sign, that's great, but what if you're attached to your own? I was a Taurus born in the year of the Ox, and whilst I wanted more glamours signs as a kid, the double bull is something I cling to affectionately. But let's not cry out in outrage just yet. The belief that where the stars are positioned has any effect on your personality, is kind of crazy. But there's more behind horoscopes than just the stars.

Self Fulfilling Propercy.

This is the term psychologists used to describe the way that we treat a person, affects who that person becomes. A person who is given encouragment and praise they don't deserve works hard to fill the role they have been placed in. A person constantly accussed of being a thief, will become a thief. In our childhood years, whilst we're becoming our adult selves, this kind of nurtured behaviour has an even stronger affect.

When it comes to horoscopes, something most of us have looked up as kids, this has pretty much an identical affect. You read, or hear, that Libra's are level headed, Leo's are born leaders or that Gemini's have two sides of thier personality and you begin to believe it's true about yourself. The more you look into horoscopes, the more these traits are going to subconsciously affect you.

So due to self fulffilng propercies your star sign can only shift if you never placed to much notice in it to begin with.
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