~Aoi’s POV~

            My blood runs cold at Uruha’s words. I can’t stand up and I sink to the floor. I stare at him in horror.

            “No.” I whisper. I won’t accept this. I can’t accept this.

            “I forgive you.” Uruha replies but how can he? He tells me what happened. I hate myself for leaving but how was I meant to know? I never saw his face. He wasn’t screaming or shouting. I thought he had enjoyed it. What was I meant to think? Ruki was his friend. He’d confessed that they slept together before.

            The worst part was that if it wasn’t for Kai I wouldn’t have learnt the truth. If it weren’t for Kai, Uruha would be dead. Once again Kai had saved the day. No doubt about it. Kai was my guardian angel.

            “I know you don’t want me now. I’m ruined.” Uruha sobbed and I pull myself up. There’s no point feeling guilty. It won’t help him. There’s only one thing I can do to help. I can prove I still love him.

            I walk over to him and gently kiss him. I try to pull away but his good arm is holding me back. I know what he wants so I kiss him again.

            “I’m still here if you want me.” I say as I’m finally allowed to pull away. I already know he does.

            “I want you. Only you.” Uruha says and I hold his hand tightly. I glance over at Kai and he nods his head. It’s going to take us time to heal but the damage is done. As always Kai has fixed all my problems. It’s up to me to keep things this way.

            “One condition. I don’t want you too see Ruki anymore.” I say.

            “Okay.” Uruha agrees but he sounds sad. “The doctor wants me to see a therapist.” He says deliberately changing the subject.

            “Maybe that isn’t such a bad idea.” Kai speaks up. He’d been quiet until now and I’d almost forgotten he was here.

            “No! I can’t trust them. I can only trust the two of you.” Uruha cries in panic and I grip his hand to let him know I’m here.

            “They can’t force you.” I tell him.

            “My cousin is a therapist. I promise you that you can trust him.” Kai announces. He obviously thinks it’s a good idea.

            “No.” Uruha said shaking his head. He’s really against the idea.

            “What if I go with you?” I suggest. After what has happened I think this is a good idea too. Uruha needs to stop putting himself down. “You don’t have to tell him anything you don’t want to.”

            “Do you want me to do this?” Uruha asks me with big round eyes.

            “I think you need it.” I confirm praying he’s not going to take this badly. “You let a man rape you because you hate yourself so much. That isn’t healthy. You need to learn to see the good in you. Like I do. Like Kai does.”

            “Can I trust him?” Uruha said looking at Kai.

            “Yes. You have my word.” Kai confirms.

            “Alright. I’ll go. I’ll be fine on my own. I’d rather go on my own.” Uruha announces and I smile.

            “If you don’t like it you can always stop.” I promise as I gently stroke his face. Silently I pray that Kai’s cousin will be able to help Uruha. If Uruha can learn to like himself, if only a little bit I won’t have to worry about this happening again.

~Uruha’s POV~

            Eventually Kai and Aoi have to leave. I’m so relieved that he forgives me. I haven’t ruined everything after all. I pick up the book Aoi bought me from the hospital shop. It actually looks interesting, but I can’t focus on it. My thoughts are running through my head so fast I can’t quite keep up. Instead I lie with the door open as I watch people walk past my room.

            I don’t want to go to the therapist. Nothing scares me more than telling a stranger my secrets. But it is Kai’s cousin so it’s a little better. Maybe he’ll be as easy to talk to as Kai.

Sometimes in life there are things you do because you have to do them. This is one of them. Both Kai and Aoi think I need help and I accept that they are right. I have made a mess of my life. This would help me. I knew this and so I accepted it. I’m not insane but I do have problems.

            As for Ruki. This wasn’t his fault. He’d just been drunk and foolish. I know all about being drunk and foolish. But I do have suspicions that he got me deliberately drunk. That tea really did taste weird and he left that bottle there in front of me. Tempting me. Alcohol is the devil’s drink and things like this are the reason why.

Aoi had asked me not to see Ruki anymore. Could I cut Ruki out of my life? I have to. I’d already promised Aoi.  But I owed it to Ruki to at least explain why I would no longer contact him.

Aoi and Kai had promised to collect me some stuff so I knew they’d be back, but not for a while. Should I ask Aoi’s permission? I didn’t think I should have to, but at the same time I didn’t want to go behind his back.

Eventually I decided that I’d tell him I was calling Ruki to say goodbye. Be honest with him. I would make him understand why I had to do this.

“Here you go.” Aoi said placing a bag on the chair. “I won’t stay long. Kai’s waiting in the car.”

“That’s okay. You need to go to work tomorrow,” I reply.

“Kai says he can come for an hour or two in the morning but he really is working the lunch shift tomorrow so he won’t stay long. Is that okay?” Aoi asks.

“Of course. He’s a nice guy.” I respond. “But…”

            “Something bothering you?” Aoi asks.

            “I want to call Ruki,” I blurt out. “I want to tell him why I can no longer talk to him.”

            “I suppose that’s fair,” Aoi replies after thinking about it. I can tell that he isn’t happy about it, but he hasn’t said no. That’s enough.

~Ruki’s POV~

            “Uruha!” I cry, delighted that he’s called me. I haven’t been able to contact him all day and I was growing mad with worry. My mind kept bringing up crazy ideas that Uruha might try to take his own life. He looked that miserable.

            “Ruki I don’t know what to say.” Uruha whispered. He’s crying. I can hear his tears.

            “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I’m just so sorry.” I say. The words I’ve been trying to say all day. But it’s not enough. There are no words to ask for forgiveness for what I’ve done.

            “You got me drunk on purpose.” Uruha accused. His accusation cuts like a knife. It’s the truth.

            “My only defence was I was drunk too. I understand now why you call it the devil’s drink.” I explain. “I lost my senses and took you down with me. But it’s my love for you that did it. It became twisted. I was just so jealous of Aoi and…”

            “I don’t want to hear your excuses. You’re making this too hard.” Uruha sobs down the phone. “I understand you. I know you weren’t aware you were raping me. You thought I wanted it. I can forgive that but not the rest. I can’t forgive your betrayal, Ruki. I trusted you and you got me drunk. You know about my problem. I can’t trust you Ruki.”

            “Then why are you calling!” I practically scream down the phone.

            “To say good bye. Aoi’s forbidden me from talking to you. From seeing you. I don’t blame him. I’ve chosen him Ruki. I’m going to respect his wishes.”

            “No Uruha. How can you do this? How can you choose him over me?” I scream at him.

            “Because I can’t trust you anymore.” Uruha replies and the phone goes dead.

~Aoi’s POV~

            The next morning I go to work. ‘Come on Reita, don’t fire me,’ I think as I open the door. He steps out of the back and remains quiet. So I have to speak first.

            “I’m sorry I got sick.” I apologise.

            “I saw you in the bar. I was walking past.” Reita replies. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. His words are emotionless. Guarded.

            “You saw me?” I repeat.

            “I did. I was ready to fire you.” Reita replies. “But then I decided to give you a chance to explain. What’s your excuse?”

            “I found my boyfriend with another man.” I say. It sounds so lame to my ears. So made up. He’ll think I’m lying.

            “A man named Ruki?” Reita asked. “He came in. I assume it’s him anyway. He said to tell you ‘Ruki is sorry.’”

            “Fuck him!” I shout angrily. “Sorry? Is that all he can say after what he did? Uruha is in hospital because of him. That bastard!”

            “He seemed to genuinely mean it,” Reita commented, unaffected by my anger. “Obviously something’s been going on with your personal life. I’m going to stay out of it. You have a second chance because I believe in you. Don’t you dare make me turn out to be a fool.”

            “I won’t,” I promise and I mean it. “But for the record, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I was too upset.”

            “If you want to talk about it I’ll listen.” Reita said. This time he smiles at me. A smile full of friendship and support. I decide to tell him. It’ll be nice to hear the opinion of somebody who isn’t emotionally affected by what I have to say.

~Uruha’s POV~

            When I wake up this morning I can finally sit up. I feel sore but the pain killers soon clear that up. As most of my cuts aren’t too deep, I find I can get up and walk. I demand to go home but the doctors won’t let me. Not until I see a therapist. It’s hospital procedure. I explain to them that I plan to see Kai’s cousin but they won’t listen. Hospital procedure dictates that any suicide patient has to have a meeting with a therapist before they’re released. They assure me that the therapist can’t keep me here unless he finds me a danger to others.

            Eventually they give up on me and walk out. I’m not allowed to leave but they can’t stop me. I’m not a prisoner. I’m a patient! I’ll tell Kai I’ve been officially released and just need a lift home. My plan is flawless, or so I thought.

            “I’ve been released.” I tell Kai with a fake smile. “Would you mind giving me a lift home?”

            “No, I don’t mind.” Kai replies. “Of course I’ll give you a lift. When you’re actually released.”

            “I have been.” I say. How dare he not believe me!

            “The doctor has asked me to make you see a therapist before they can release you.” Kai explained. So that’s how he knows. The stupid doctor got to him first.

            “I will. I said I’d see your cousin.” I remind him. “I just want to go home. They can’t stop me walking out. You can’t stop me walking out.”

            “I’m not going to stop you.” Kai responds. “Come on then, get your stuff.”

            “You’re helping me?” I ask shocked. I’d always considered Kai to be a rule abiding kind of guy. He’s so trustworthy and honest.

            “You need my friendship more than a therapist,” Kai responds. “And I know you’re going to walk out of here sometime today. It’s best I’m with you. But I have two conditions.”

            “There’s always conditions.” I complain.

            “Yeah there is,” Kai says with a smile. “The first is you’re going to call my cousin up and arrange an appointment. An appointment you’d better keep.”

            “I will. I promised Aoi already.” I remind him.

            “Second. I don’t think you should be alone right now. Do you have somebody you could spend some time with? You can come to my restaurant if you want. You can sit in the kitchen and talk to me while I work.” Kai suggests.

            “I’ll come to your restaurant.” I agree. I don’t want to have to explain to my family what I did to myself. Ruki was the only friend I trusted. The others are shallow and will only poke fun. Kai was defiantly the best option.