~Ruki’s POV~

            I woke up after a fitful sleep and the guilt hits me far worse than any hang over symptom. Why did I do that to him? I can’t stand this. The look on his tear stained face haunts me. He hadn’t wanted it at all. I’d raped him. The thought made me feel physically sick. I can hear his voice like he’s here in my room right now. ‘Ruki stop.’ He’d only said it once. I thought he was just feeling guilty. I thought he had given up because he accepted his feelings towards me. He had given up. Not to himself but to me. He’s just let me rape him. How was I meant to know he hadn’t wanted this? My eyes had been closed like they always are when I’m having sex. I hadn’t seen the tears. I couldn’t hear them over my own moans.

            I’d broken his trust completely. Any delusion that he returned my feelings was shattered. He loved me as a friend. Nothing more. Not even that any more.

            ‘Ruki stop.’ His voice again. It’s in my head and I can’t get rid of it. I can’t handle this guilt.  Maybe it’s not so bad. Maybe he’ll forgive me. The thought awakens hope and I call his house. There’s no answer. There’s no answer the next few tries I make that morning.

            I give up and go to his house myself. He won’t answer the door and it’s locked. Not like last night when Aoi walked in. Aoi. I’d hurt him too. Uruha loved Aoi and why shouldn’t he? Aoi was a nice man. I didn’t know where he lived but I knew where he worked. I’d try there. If I couldn’t apologise to Uruha I could apologise to him. I’d hurt them both. I’d shattered their relationship but maybe I could fix it again.

~Kai’s POV~

            I’m sitting in the hospital waiting room. Uruha had been seen by the doctors. He’s had stitches in the worst of the wounds. Twenty in all. Luckily most of the cuts hadn’t been too deep. Still he’d lost a lot of blood and was now lying unconscious in a private room on a blood bag slowly replenishing his blood levels as blood slowly seeped through the cuts. A nurse was with him cleaning of the blood. The doctors were hopeful. His cuts were healing now and the bleeding was lessoning. He was a strong young man and there was no reason for him not to recover. He just needed to want to.

            “Can I see him?” I ask the doctor after he finished explaining all this too me.

“A few minutes won’t do any harm but it’s best you don’t touch him.” The doctor responds after a moment of thought.

            “Thank you.” I say gratefully as I head to his room.

“Are you his friend?” the nurse asks.

            “I guess.” I reply. I’m still not sure if I’ve forgiven him.

            “You guess?” the nurse questioned me.

            “He broke my friends heart.” I explain. “I don’t know until he’s awake and had a chance to tell me his story if I’m going to forgive him.”

            “I think he’s feeling enough guilt.” The nurse comments.

            “I think he is.” I reply. “Come on Uruha.” I encourage turning to the man in the bed. He looks so small and helpless like this. “If you’re innocent like you claim wake up so you can tell me. I promise I’ll make everything alright then. Aoi didn’t know. I’ll drag him here myself and make him hear the truth. Just wake up so you can tell me.” I can feel a few tears slide down my face and the nurse rests a supportive hand on my shoulder.

            “We’re all rooting for him.” She says and I nod.

            “You hear that Uruha. Everyone wants you to wake up.” I say but I can’t take this anymore. I walk out and head for the toilets so I can wash away my tears.

~Uruha’s POV~

            I’m floating in an abyss. But it’s not black, it’s purple. All I can see is purple. There is nothing but purple. I can hear voices but they don’t make sense. Am I dying? Will I soon move on?

            Then I hear a voice I recognise. It takes me a moment to place it. It’s Kai. Kai is talking to me. He doesn’t sound mad. He sounds worried. I can’t make out what he’s saying. Then just as suddenly as it came it leaves. No he can’t go. I want to hear what he has to say.

            If I open my eyes maybe I can see him. Ask him to say it again. Desperately I fight the tide of purple and then there’s white. Everything is white.

            I realise it’s a ceiling. I’m lying in a bed. I try to sit up but I can’t because it hurts so bad.

            “It’s ok. You’re in hospital. Just lie back,” says a woman. I turn my head and recognise the nurse’s uniform.

            “Kai? Is he here?” I ask her grabbing her hand.

            “There was a man here.” The nurse responds “A friend. He never told me his name.”

            “Did he say that? Did he say he was my friend?” I ask desperately. I thought I had no friends left.

            “More or less.” The nurse says with a smile. “I’ll try to find him. I don’t think he’ll have left. He was upset. I think he went to calm down.”

            “Please get him.” I beg. She leaves after explaining to me about the button I should press if I need help. I’m not allowed to move the tube in my right arm either. It’s feeding blood to me. Kai will be here soon. I just have to wait. The ‘friend’ is Kai right? It better not be Ruki. He’s not my friend. Not anymore.

~Kai’s POV~

            I leave the bathroom and the nurse is there. I confirm I’m Kai and she explains that Uruha is awake. If I’d only stayed there a few more minutes I would have been there for him. I follow her back to the room and she leaves us in peace. She’ll be back soon to clean the wounds again but for now we’re alone.

            “Kai.” Uruha asks as I return and I move so he can see me. “Oh Kai.” He whispers.

            “It’s alright.” I respond and he grabs my hand.

            “Don’t go.” He begs.

            “Okay.” I promise sitting in the chair. His hand still holding mine weakly. “Why did you do this Uruha? Surely you must know Aoi wouldn’t have left you if he knew you were being raped. He thought you were cheating on him.”

            “I’m a slut. A horrible slut. I deserve this. I don’t deserve to live.” Uruha says quietly.

            “No.” I say shaking my head firmly. “No you’re not. Nobody deserves this.”

            “But I didn’t stop him. I gave up and lied there. It’s no wonder Aoi didn’t realise.” Uruha whispered.

            “Uruha. Did Ruki rape you or not?” I demand. “Did you tell him to stop?”

            “I did. Once. I fought him. But I deserved it. I’m only good for men’s pleasure so I stopped fighting and just cried. I don’t think he realised.” Uruha whispered.

            “But you didn’t want it?” I repeat. This is important.

            “No. Of course I didn’t! I only want Aoi.” Uruha cries. “I only want Aoi.” He repeats.

            “It’s okay. Calm down.” I say. “I believe you. What happened? Start from the beginning.” I listen to his story and I begin to understand. Uruha’s own self hatred stopped him from fighting. That and alcohol. I was mad at Ruki for what he had done but at the same time I understood him too. How was he meant to know he was raping Uruha if Uruha hadn’t complained or fought back?

            The only thing that was clear was that Aoi had to hear this. He needed to make his own decision on this. But for what it mattered I didn’t blame Uruha anymore. I just felt sorry for him.

~Aoi’s POV~

            Youko is nice and all but I was getting sick of her. I wasn’t going to do anything if she left me to go watch TV in the other room. Instead she had to talk to me all the time. How did Kai deal with it? Well he could always kiss her to shut her up. Then again she didn’t usually annoy me. I’m just in a mood.

            The phone ringing is a relief. It got rid of her and I can hear her talking quietly in the other room.

            “Kai wants to talk to you.” She announces as she returns. I nod and get out of bed where I’ve been sulking.

            “I’m fine.” I say as my greeting. “Get back to work.”

            “About that. I’m not at work.” Kai says. He goes on to explain about how he went to Uruha’s house and how he ended up calling me from the hospital.

            “Are you going to come?” Kai asks.

            “Why? There’s nothing he can say that will make this alright.” I say bitterly. I don’t want to hear his lies. I don’t want to fall for him again.

            “I think there is. At least I’ve forgiven him. Please just come listen to his side of the story.” Kai says.

            “You forgave him?” I repeat. Some friend he is. Unless maybe there is a good reason for this.

            “I have. Are you going to come? I’ll drag you here kicking and screaming is I have to. I’ll leave you tied to a chair and gagged in his room so you have to hear him out.” Kai threatens.

            “I’ll come.” I promise. I don’t want to but I should at least hear him out. I owe him that.

~Uruha’s POV~

            After Kai leaves the nurse returns and chats happily as she bathes my wounds. Most of the bleeding has appeared to have stopped so she goes to fetch the doctor. He confirms that I’ve more or less stopped bleeding and removes the blood bag from my arm. He tells me I have to eat something and so I choose something from the lunch menu. I hate hospital food but I’ll eat it. I don’t want to die anymore. Kai keeps telling me it’s not my fault. That Aoi will understand. He can’t know that but I’m hopeful. If I have Aoi I can continue on.

            I can see Kai talking to my doctor. To my surprise he walks off. He’s meant to come back after making a phone call and getting something to eat at the cafeteria.

            The doctor enters my room and sits down to talk to me. He wants to know how I ended up here. Confirming I did this to myself. He sounds like he’s accusing Kai of this and I get worked up. I start to shout at him and he backs off. At least he’s convinced now that this was all down to me. How could he accuse Kai?

            “Uruha? Did the doctor upset you?” Kai asked as he returns to me.

            “He accused you of this.” I confess and Kai goes quiet.

            “He’s just doing his job.” Kai said calmly sitting down but he looks upset too.

            “I made sure he knew you were innocent.” I tell Kai and Kai nods.

            But already I’ve forgotten about the doctor and Kai. I can see Aoi walking down the hall. Our eyes meet and he looks at me coldly. I think he’s going to walk past but he comes in and shuts the door behind him. He stands against it with a blank expression.

            “Well what’s your excuse?” he demands. I’ve never heard him talk like this before. Harsh and cold, riding on anger.

            “Don’t be like that.” I whisper. “I should be the one who’s mad at you. You’re the one who left his boyfriend to be raped.”